The Outsider: Indignation sans Frontieres

The Outsider, Dane Reynolds, Quiksilver Pro

"We don't know whats happening, and that's what happening".


Struggling to write, too many beers in the afternoon sunlight. Queensland hedonism wraps me in it's warm and inviting embrace.

Taken separately and  together as whole, Slater's performances in his Rd4 heat yesterday and QF today, have to rank as some of the most brutally dominant and creative in his career. The come from behind brilliance to stitch together two winning rides in the last 5 minutes yesterday and then todays massive victory over Bede were incandescent. They were the reason the beach was packed, why hacks like me crawled out of the webcast room and clung to wave-lashed rocks like limpets to get close to the King.

Equally incandescent was Slater's post heat press scrum. There was an unusual brooding atmosphere in the strange silence before the Rosie webcast interview. Slater played that game with his customary panache but as the webcast cameras were wheeled offstage he let loose. We'll come back to this heroic ball-bust sports-fans. In fact we'll roll to the videotape. It's worth a look.

Bourez's opening wave was pure power and class. That was plain to see live on the beach and on the webcast. He dominated the heat but Jeremy Flores had a beef or three with his treatment afterwards. Jeremy get your people to call my people and we'll flesh out the dispute, get the truth out there. a Bourez has become the surfer's surfer, fulfilling the role Taylor Knox once had. Taj rolled the dice against him in deteriorating conditions, banking on a performance advantage in the slop and against Michel's Firewire. It was a failed strategy and Teebs got rolled without fanfare.

The surf turned to mud soon after and Parko was lucky to survive a scrappy heat with Adam Melling. Melling had his chances but Parko has shown that he will scrap to the death now. The old choker tag or "oh, Parko doesn't really want it" which was always a fine chunk of bullshit has been comprehensively dispelled.

Parko, QuikPro, Snapper rocks

Thats 270 degrees of buried to the nose board rotation squidlips.


Parkinson has expended an enormous amount of energy this contest. I asked him this morning how he felt about the possibility of surfing four times if they ran the comp through.

"sweet, bring it on".

I thought his surfing had been amazing all event apart from the scrap fest with Melling. The victory over Dane was especially significant. It erased a very large blot on the Parko career dossier.

"How important was that win over Dane"

"So, so important. So much energy and focus went into that" For one second the grim faced Parko game face relaxed into the old goofy grin. "That one felt really good".

Parko, QuikPro, Snapper rocks

Safety turn? You want beef? Check the spray.

Parko, QuikPro.

Straight up attack to start the Ten Point ride.

Parko, QuikPro.





It must have felt equally good to take out Wilson in the QF, held in the best surf of the event. Thanks to Jed Smith and Bylsely for helping a brother out I had a fine two  Coopers beer buzz going on the beach. A brazilian man beside me passed a Gudam Gurang and it was joyous in the extreme in the softening sunlight to watch Parko blitz Wilson in a heat that offered several high scoring exchanges. His ten looked amazing and I know in webland there was dispute about it being awarded. Slater too sand-bagged it, saying he didn't think it deserved a ten. Funny though, everyone who witnessed it live and felt the full impact and tempo of the ride was in no doubt it deserved a perfect score.

And that brings us back to Slater. He surfed with an unusual vengeance and vigour this afternoon. In past years he's felt the love of an adoring public and compliant media but the landscape has changed in the post-Armstrong world and a mainstream media on the sniff of scandal has put the King on the backfoot. This anger was channelled into the surf before being let loose on the hapless Will Swanton. Christ though, call a bloke a drug cheat without evidence to back it up and you've got it coming. It was the best press conference of all time. I actually, seriously cannot wait for this thing to wrap up tomorrow. The last two days have been incredible, in every sense of the word. Roll on Finals.




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18 Responses to “The Outsider: Indignation sans Frontieres”

  1. alakaboo
    March 12, 2013 at 2:17 pm #

    Beautiful work from Slats, on and off the board.

  2. gstq
    March 12, 2013 at 3:13 pm #

    Looked like a 10 to me, even watching it on the webcast. After being singularly unimpressed with his surfing v Wilko in his opener, I’m happy to eat some humble pie and admit that he has just got better and better. Those tail whips in particular are great to watch

  3. the roller
    March 12, 2013 at 5:08 pm #

    Damn fine test match this Quikie Pro on the Goldie. Great kick of to the season.

    And look at ‘ya Shearsie, you top shelf dj… up front and on the beach remixing the Britney Spears with them damn clove doogans….. What? you teasing the tested ones?… Should we expect you jumping the progression train to pills, power, and or hay huffing by tomorrow’s semis and grand final?

    Both your and Joel’s work fully deserved of 10’s.

  4. Hap
    March 12, 2013 at 6:35 pm #

    I reckon if you accuse The King of being a doper and invalidating a lifetime of work you better say something besides, “I don’t know” when he asks you about it. Then again, I’m not a pro journalist by any stretch of the word.

    Looks to me like Kelly and Parko for all the marbles. If you don’t mind me posting a link, here is my perspective from a webcast only view yesterday.

  5. StivB
    March 12, 2013 at 9:24 pm #

    Dang, it’s mighty fine to have you back and in raging form!

  6. Cpt.Caveman
    March 12, 2013 at 10:11 pm #

    What an exciting finals day hey! Slats, mick, Joel, bourez the demolish machine. Loved slaters blow up haha

  7. latour
    March 15, 2013 at 11:24 pm #

    Accusation ridicules et honteuses,comment osez vous comparer Armstrong et kelly.
    Le discours est ordurier avec une odeur perceptible de vomis haineux.
    Je ne reviendrai même pas sur l’analyse plus que douteuse du heat bourez/flores
    Si c’est pour écrire de telles conneries vous devriez fermer vos gueules ainsi que votre site web

  8. Steve Shearer
    March 15, 2013 at 11:33 pm #

    I translated your comments latour, hopefully i’ve got the gist of it. I didn’t compare Kelly to Armstrong.
    And from my point of view Flores seemed well beaten by Bourez.

    • latour
      March 15, 2013 at 11:38 pm #

      thank you for the translate, you didn’t compare directly armtrong and kelly but by putting both of the name in the same sentence you create the doubt and this is why it can obviously looks like a direct accusation.
      I also agree michel’s win was clear, nothing to say about it i just have a problem with the way you treat jeremy with your comments, it is unfair.

  9. Steve Shearer
    March 15, 2013 at 11:44 pm #

    LaTour, I was merely pointing out that the landscape had changed post-Armstrong. Actually I was defending kelly from baseless accusation, not adding to it.

    I’d love to talk with Jeremy and get his thoughts on the matter.

    • Willian
      April 6, 2013 at 5:13 am #

      Hahaha this is too good, Adriano goes hard im sure if not steriods then alot of crietane, heavy weights and hard boiled eggs, the aggression is too much, i’d punch myself as hard as I fucking could if I claimed a wave that consisted of two turns. Kelly however I highly doubt it, people seem to forget that event though he is the oldest, he was also the youngest to win a world title (with a few in between), he doesnt need steriods to be special, and hes too chilled and well spoken to have that in his system.Love this blog, so funny keep it up!

  10. latour
    March 15, 2013 at 11:46 pm #

    Ok sorry for the misunderstanding and thank you for your time!

  11. Kevin Gamble
    March 18, 2013 at 7:28 pm #

    Being from Florida, it is always great to see Florida athletes succeed. In fact, I love to argue with Aussie, Californians, and Saffas alike that Florida produces the greatest athletes. And while the journalist in question could have more artfully broached the subject of doping and the dominance of an athlete in his 40’s, it still needs to be addressed. The money is big enough in pro surfing now that people will be tempted to do whatever drugs are needed to stay on top of his or her game, especially recovery drugs, such as IPO. Surfing at high level for multiple days requires a high amount of energy and fitness. Nothing like feeling like a “new man” everyday, no matter what transgressed the day before.

    One thing I haven’t seen anyone mention in regards to the final, is how Parko continually “soul arched- claimed” each tube and Kelly came out looking to annihilate or fly over the next section.

    • Steve Shearer
      March 23, 2013 at 2:42 am #

      One thing Florida definitely does have is superior fishing. Tarpon, bones and snook.

      You get some of that action Kev?

  12. gerlach
    March 23, 2013 at 2:17 am #

    Good for Kelly for sticking up for himself.

    And yea I noticed parko claiming. I found myself wanting him to stop it. hahaha.

    Just a thought here but how much cooler/funnier it would’ve been if Parko had thrown kelly a sarcastic heart sign? Or,…. just kept riding behind kelly squeaking out the doggy door.
    Imagine the Free Ride references. I guess he would’ve lost the final then, but he lost anyway.

  13. Steve Shearer
    March 23, 2013 at 2:41 am #

    He might have lost the battle but won the war?

    Claims from a losing side always look lame in retrospect.

    Kellys’ “honey box” strategy and superior execution were just too good and sublime sport.

    The fuckery next day at Kirra wasn’t.


  1. Kelly Slater confronts journalist who calls him ‘textbook doping suspect’ | Surfing News Online - March 16, 2013

    […] profile of a textbook doping suspect.’ wrote Swanton. Check out the video at the bottom of this article for the 11-time world champ’s reaction to the […]

  2. Gregory Smith - October 5, 2014

    I love your blog…

    I have read this article and enjoyed it…

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